


The Bachelor: Tony Stark Edition

by Spidey (tombrady)



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Bachelor RPF
Genre: Assuming That Everyone Lives Happily Ever After And I Can Sleep At Night Again, Bucky Antagonizes Steve, Captain America: Civil War (Except It's Chris Evans Vs. Benedryl Cabbagepatch), I've never done this before, Literally this is just a fic of Peter judging Tony's choice in men, M/M, Multi, Stackie Manifesting Itself Through Bucky & Sam, Superfamily (Marvel), Thanos is dead, The Bachelor AU, Tony Regrets Adopting Peter, Tony Stark Lives, Too Much Root Beer?, WARNING: Steve Rogers In A Bathing Suit, for fun, peter parker's pov, post Avengers 4, to me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 21:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14627091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tombrady/pseuds/Spidey
Summary: One man. Nine contestants. Several weeks in paradise. All through the horrified eyes of one sticky, adopted son.





	The Bachelor: Tony Stark Edition

Introduction

This is a bad idea. This is a _very_ bad idea. 

I can’t really blame myself for this in the slightest. Reality T.V. is its own form of entertainment—its own _industry_. Any kid my age that says they haven’t indulged in reality shows at least once in their life is lying about it. That’s why I agreed—not because I was serious, not because it was a genuine interest of mine—but because I just thought it would be cool.

Anyway, the opportunity presented itself and now we’re here. Did I think ABC’s team was actually _this_ serious? No. Did I think ABC would send their people to our doorstep the very next day? Never. Did I expect my dad to actually agree to do it? Not in a _lifetime_.

I was _very_ wrong.

Long story short: when you’re adopted by the second richest man on the planet and probably the most famous man on the planet, you meet a lot of people in fancy suits that introduce themselves to you and inform you of what they do for a profession, by which you start to tune them out because you’re too busy staring at the gray hair that’s just intrusively sitting on their black blazer and you’re wondering if they’re aware of it or even if they’re aware of how gray their hair is getting, and next thing you know, you’re nodding at questions they’re asking you about yourself and now it’s obvious that you’re not listening and—

“ _Pete_ ,” Mr. Stark quipped.

“Sorry,” I said, swallowing. “What was the question?”

Before I knew it, my father had rolled his eyes and drifted away from the conversation to another, leaving me to suffer through the conversation alone, without any help—without someone there to back me up when my collar would get too tight and I needed someone to take over. Oh, _god_. Oh my _god_ , it was so painful. _Not_ the collar, but the lady and her white hair and piercing eyes. And the whole adulthood, networking, real-life LinkedIn party that turned out to be _way_ different from what I thought it would be. Three root beers deep and I was _still_ dissatisfied.

“How did you and Mr. Stark meet?” The lady repeated herself, only slower than the first time, which really didn’t make me any more interested in the conversation than I already was.

I smirked at her words, stifling a laugh. “You make it sound like we’re dating.”

Wait.

**_What?_ **

“Sorry,” I quickly jumped on my words as her eyes widened at my response. “I need to, uh… well, you know, get better at the whole—” Confused eyes pierced through mine, voiding my body of my soul and leaving it with nothing but regret and burning cheeks. “I, uh, had an internship with him a few years back.”

The woman laughed—she _laughed_. At me? It was possible. Probably likely. There was no way I was free. Not _this_ quickly… “You’re quite alright, Mr. Parker,” she said. “You just surprised me, that’s all.”

“My, uh, bad…” I muttered, glancing around to spot my father, who was at a comfortable distance away from me, chatting with… Elon Musk? And _Grimes_?

“Actually,” the woman cleared her throat to grab my attention again, “it’s very funny that you said that.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

The woman’s face faltered briefly in confusion, and she blinked her thoughts away. “I mean _coincidentally_.” 

“ _Oh_ …” I nodded slowly, pretending to understand.

The lady pursed her lips and watched me for a second. “Your father is single, right?”

“Only sometimes,” I said.

“What does _that_ mean?”

“Nothing,” I stared. “He _is_ single, yes. You were saying?”

She hesitated before her next proposition, eyeing me carefully. “As you know, over at ABC, we feature many reality shows, including The Bachelor…”

So, _that_ was her job. Huh. 

“You’ve heard of The Bachelor, right, Peter?” The woman asked.

“Of _course_ ,” I told her. “I don’t live under a rock.”

“Ah, well,” she nodded slowly, a smile rising to her lips. “How would you feel if your father was given his own season?”

I widened my eyes. “Are you _serious_? That’d be so cool!”

“You think he’d want to do it?” Her eyes fell to Mr. Stark.

“Doesn’t matter if he _wants_ to,” I said. “He _should_.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” the lady said. “It was nice meeting you, Mr. Parker.”

“It was nice meeting you too, Miss…” She was first to leave the conversation, cleverly making her exit before I had to painfully try to remember her name from earlier. I turned back to the bartender and tapped my hand down to get his attention.

“A fourth, Mr. Parker?” 

I nodded. “I need it.”

Maybe I’m wrong if I say I didn’t egg it on, because I definitely did, but did I really seem that serious? I don’t think so. 

So, there wasn’t _really_ a valid reason for Mr. Stark to wake me up the next morning at only eleven by rudely turning off my room’s tinted windows and standing in my doorway with his arms crossed. I opened my eyes and glanced at him before covering my head with my pillow.

“Pete.” He said. “Wake up.”

“ _No_ ,” I groaned. 

“You want to tell me why ABC is in our home right now?” His voice was thick with frustration.

“Because you let them in?”

He pulled the blankets off of me. “Peter,” he said. “Get up. _Now_.”

I grudgingly pulled the pillow from my head and sat up, rubbing my eyes. “I honestly don’t know why they’re here,” I told him, “but I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”

“They said you talked to them,” his tone was short and low.

I looked up at him, his eyebrows raising expectantly, and then shook my head. “I had that conversation with that one lady last night, but I didn’t like… Call them or anything.” I narrowed my eyes a bit as his face grew skeptical. “Wait, why? What do they want?”

“Get dressed and come out here when you’re done,” he said, and the door was shut.

I sat on my bed for another minute, glancing around my room in exhaustion before I finally stood and decided to ignore his directions, making my way out to the living room after him. “So,” I said loudly, “What’s up?”

“Peter! Just got out of bed, huh?” The lady from the night before sat on our sofa next to Pepper, smiling way too much. All eyes drifted to me, including Dad’s, whose immediately rolled at my appearance. “We were just discussing the show.”

I looked at my father, who looked back with daggers in his eyes. “Right, uh, I totally think you should do it, Mr. Stark,” I said. His face hardened even more. “I mean, you should see yourself right now. If looks could kill, I’d certainly be dead _again_.”

Too soon?

“Not funny, Pete,” he warned.

I nodded. “Right. Sorry.”

“Your father, Peter,” the woman began again, clearing her throat, “has actually already agreed to do it.”

“W- _What_?” I looked back and forth between her and my dad, whose face lightened slightly. “Then why were you just mad at me?”

“Because it woke you up,” Tony shrugged. “Sit with us. We were just getting to your part.”

“My part? _Wait_ ,” I shook my head, sitting down across from them. “ _No_. I never agreed to do _anything_.”

“No,” the lady said, “But your father and I agreed that you should be a key component of it.”

My eyes fell to my father as a smirk rose to his face. “ _Why_?”

“Audience viewers _love_ kids,” she said.

I shook my head. “They do _not_ ,” I insisted.

“ _Peter_ …” Mr. Stark hushed.

“Listen, _I’m_ audience viewers and it’s _my_ professional opinion that I _stay_ one,” I told them.

The lady nodded slowly and started tapping at her tablet. “Perhaps you’ll change your mind after I show you…” She placed the tablet in front of me on the coffee table. “Your _amenities_.”

I leaned forward and peered at the screen, my eyes widening as I read the list. “How often to I have to be on the show?”

“Only a few times, Peter,” Pepper chimed in.

I looked from her to my father and the lady, then back down at the list before me. “ _Fine_ ,” I sighed, sitting back. “What is it that I have to do?”

A few moments later, I was already packing, regretting three out of five root beers and every conversation I’ve ever had with an adult. And no matter how excited Mr. Stark seemed to be, there was one thing I was still certain of: despite whatever the outcome might be of this whole thing, it was still a very bad idea.

A _very_ bad idea, indeed.


End file.
